Confession: 2024 Has Been a Failure to Launch

Brief reflections of a 30-something-year-old who was cruising through the year.

In alignment with my RCCG upbringing, I must wish you, dearest reader, a HAPPY NEW MONTH. It has been centuries since I wrote anything substantive here, so it is only polite that I greet you properly. (It is also my Yoruba nature that demands I over-greet you.) Based on the title of the blog, you may be asking yourself these important questions:

• Why is the title of this blog post so dramatic?
• Why is she putting failure and 2024 in one sentence?
• Should she be declaring such over her life?

Relax, my dearies. I just decided to call a spade A SPADE. You see eh, on January 2024 I joined millions of fervent Nigerians in hot and mighty prayer to declare that “2024 is my year of breakthrough”, “2024 is my year of supernatural favor”, “2024 is my year of divine blessings” etc. (Again, shoutout to RCCG for teaching a girl how to demand things from the Lord).

Now, with all the powerful casting and declaration, did my effort match? Let the crowd say: NOOOOO. I know I am not alone on this. All of us that made ambitious resolutions (with one eye closed because we all knew there was a lot of delusion while writing them down), please where are we today? Has that weight been lost? Have I finished writing that book I promised I would complete? (Me sef I realize that I really set myself up for premium failure by planning such, because do I even have a book topic? *laughs in pity-ment*). As I type here today, I have released two YouTube episodes of a show called “They Said Time Is Running Out”, ask me where the next episode is. No, please ask.

Reader: Renny, please where is episode 3?

Renny: Episode 3 was shot on my iPhone, but one useless spirit of imposter syndrome convinced me that it might not be worth it. So the chopped episode is sitting there, occupying expensive Apple storage space and probably no longer relevant because I may not remember how I wanted to edit it, so it will not be so great…. wait a minute.. that is the imposter thing coming up again. Whew chile.

Okay. You might feel tempted to encourage me and remind me that I did release some epic Dr. Mrs. Lawson episodes on my Instagram and TikTok. Thank you for that encouragement (I know I didn’t hear you, but because you are good person, surely you must have thought that).

So, yes it is true. I must credit myself and say “well-done”.

But, if I can be honest, I know d**n well that I did not put in effort into my endeavors this year like I aspired to. I am releasing myself from shame by just admitting that the year has been a failure and it is 100% my fault. I did not create a routine, I did not create a FEASIBLE plan, and I did not identify accountability partners to lovingly insult me when I choose to scroll on TikTok endlessly.

Side note sha: You can learn anything on that app! I have learned Mongolian cuisine recipes, supplements for optimal ovary health, tips to improve my prayer life, and how to negotiate for a better salary all thanks to the app that governments want to ban. So the scrolling endlessly was not in vain.

ANYWAYSSSSS.

I want to take this chance of a new month to challenge myself to actually accomplish various goals. I have also unburdened myself from the fear of failure, so that I can unlock true freedom to create how I want to create. Posting here is my first step to reporting to you all on how I am doing. I have been paying $18 a month to keep this website up and I have not even been using it. (IN THIS ECONOMY OF BIDEN AND TINUBU! Is my daddy Mr. Gates? No *cries in inflation tears*.) In fact, when I logged in to write this piece I could not keep up with the new features of WordPress, just pathetic.

Ironically, it was my bad habit of uselessly checking Insta-stories that led me to this discovery. My friend posted this tweet below and I just felt like it shook my whole world. I felt attttttacked. I felt insulted. My flabber was gasted (as the youth say sometimes). The tweet was insulting, I mean preaching to me and I had to answer. This my 2024 cannot end in a failure to launch.

Please visit my page for weekly gist on how I have been doing and random gist. I’d rather type out some random thoughts I have, than record.

Another side note before I bounce: Yes, I could be documenting all of this on Instagram. But that is also part of the problem. Do I want to make myself look presentable, set up a camera, and then speak before sharing my thoughts to the world? No. Writing is definitely faster and more intimate, so it is easier to meet this commitment.

Hope you stay along for the ride and I hope the rest of this 2024 will not end in self-imposed failure.

Vibes and peace,
Renny Vonne