Become a Professional Lollygagger: New Quest for the 30-Somethings
You know what made life in the 20s much simpler? The fact your “life-changing goals” were so plainly laid out for you… well I speak for myself. The assignment I had was simple:
- Graduate from undergrad and graduate school
- Get a really nice job
- Get a promotion in at least 3 years
- Hit a certain income level by 30
- Marry (and if not marry, at least have boyfriend)
THE END.
While accomplishing these goals required so much effort and focus (not because they were hard, but because the pressures to accomplish them were insanely high), the pursuit of them made it seem as though there was real purpose in your life. Waking up at 5AM to study for the GRE before going to class and clocking into my part-time job made me feel like I was truly conquering my personal dystopian empire. I made the mountain of getting into a prestigious graduate program seem very high in my life at the time.
Preparing for the multiple rounds of interviews to become a junior-level consultant granted me this fickle sense of purpose, (because learning how to use circle back, touch base, and low hanging fruit is what saves the world right?)
Fast-forward to now, I am NOT in my 20s anymore. In fact, I have provided countless videos showcasing my experience in the 30s and the sudden physical changes that come with this new phase. The other part of the 30s I have not yet discussed is what to do with yourself when every large milestone that was on your 20s list has now been surpassed.
So you have the degrees now? While I love that I have them, at this age I do not view them as life-shifting accomplishments. I am in no way lessening my degrees, but I have come to realize that getting them is not going to make top 5 things that make me happy on my deathbed. I am quite sure that studying to pass Epidemiology class will not be a highlight for me.
So I moved up the consulting ranks and then ended up in the gig/position that I set out to get by 30? Well this one is fantastic sha. In this economy, a girl is quite grateful for money and a nice job (if any of my colleagues snoop around and read this, remember this line!). But yes, while it does feel good to have hit this particular milestone, it now begets the question: what next? Do I want to work hard again and move to the next level? Or can I just dwell in the ease of this season and not be ambitious for once?
I have even returned to catering and continue to give you belly-jiggling laughters on my platforms. An unexpected goal that was unexpectedly smashed. HELLOOOOOO?
As for marrying part, the status is still legally single. However, for once in my life, I removed it as one of the “headliners” of my life for now. I am not saying that marrying my person will certainly not be one of the most beautiful moments and highlights of my life o. Are you kidding? If you know me, you know I am lover girl. However, I freed myself from the internal pressure of using it as a milestone. If you gerrit, you gerrit. If you do not gerrit, forgerrabourrit.
Back to the main point I am trying to make: here I am 34 years old, extremely content and satisfied with my life, and for the first time I actually do not have any pressure-related milestones I have to hit. For the first time, I find myself in the privileged position to just be!
In the beginning of the year, I had no idea what to do with this era. How does a first-born daughter just be? No husband, no children, great home, great job, great side gigs, friends.. please what am I supposed to be doing with my time and resources?
After weeks of pondering on this privileged question, it occurred to me that I was finally in the era to LOLLYGAG! The formal definition of lollygagging is “spend time aimlessly; idle“
I came upon this discovery when I randomly decided to take myself on a mini-bakery tour on the late afternoon of a random Wednesday. I had a craving for somn sweet and I decided that I would pick three bakeries and judge which had the best pastries in my neighborhood – all by myself too because I do not need a crowd to consume pastries on a random afternoon (and this is why I do not joke with working out o).
At the third bakery and by the fourth pastry item, a lightbulb went off that I am having the time of my life right now. How many times in my life will I be able to frolic in the name of finding perfectly flaky croissants in peace? No one waiting for me to make dinner, no little humans I am responsible for at the moment, good-enough health to be sporadically ingesting sugar. What a wowu.
Then the next week, I decided that I would like to improve my dancing skills. Now I could go with afrobeats dancing true to heritage, but I have free will: since I am already learning Spanish, I decided that I might as well learn something relevant – Salsa. So off to a Salsa class and social I went – all by my lonesome. 5 months later and I attend classes weekly and faithfully, I now have a community of Salsa dancers, and most importantly I am giving them on the dance floor.
Then I signed up for weekly Spanish classes and now meet with a weekly group to practice. Now I can watch telenovelas with no subtitles.
And the list of random things I have done this year keeps growing. While I had zero resolutions or goals for this year, I can tell you that it has still been oddly fruitful and satisfying. In fact, I think I have accomplished more this year without setting any real intentions.
I spent the earlier part of my year feeling a little guilty and “lost” because I couldn’t find the exact goal I am supposed to be pursuing strongly. No GRE to study for. No promotion opportunity to obsess over. Not even social media growth to obsess about (the followers keep coming 🙏🏾). Absolutely no chest-tightening goals to pursue, but then I realized that I have finally reached the point in my life where I can just… be. I don’t need to be good at Salsa. My Spanish is not being learned for anything serious – literally for vibes. I make jokes when I feel like it and have an audience that will laugh with me.
So yeah.. this message is for you who may be a Type A, first-born who has always had a heavy load to carry and now that you have no load to carry, you aren’t sure what to do with yourself. My dear, join me and start lollygagging. In fact, let that be your hardcore aspiration: FULL-TIME LOLLYGAGGER. Start filling your free time with random frolicking. Take yourself on a random book tour in search of a book you actually like. Go to that concert. Go get a facial. Or even learn how to give the facials. Work on some new recipes from a different ethnicity. Make a candle. Make a vision board. Make monthly vision boards. Learn how to do nails for no reason – maybe you can hook your friends up once in a while. Take up painting. Start growing tomatoes. Create a comic series. Start ballet classes. Get a voice coach. Be a part of a local play. Start writing (okay twin?).
Do whatever you want. Life comes with waves of joy, sadness, pressures, and disappointments so why not bask in the season of just being?
Thanks for attending this Ted Talk.
With vibes,
Renny
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